The Tale of Stuntbird.

Back in January, I was thinking to myself that I have never once in my life been responsible for road kill (at least that I knew of). A fact, by the way, I was quite happy about, given that the mere sight of an animal lost to the road makes me incredibly sad EVERY time.

Well, on my second trek down from Seattle to Orange County in 2 weeks (never again...), it happened. I was driving a big, yellow rental truck, singing along to the Smashing Pumpkins when something hit the windshield. Terrified, I glanced in the rearview mirror to see the aftermath of my horrible act. I gasped, incredibly saddened by what had just transpired, my perfect record tarnished forever by this senseless murder. I turned to my cousin, nearly in tears, and uttered the words I had hoped I would never have to "I think I just killed a bird!"

He could have just apologized, given me a frown and a "chin up kid, it happens" but instead, he spun a story so imaginative, so fabulous, that it could only have come from someone I have known my entire life. "Nah," he responded, nonchalantly, "he was just practicing, ya know, for that big movie role."

These words, obviously nowhere near what I had expected, took me very much by surprise. "What on Earth are you talking about?" I was still in shock over what had just happened, and was now even more thrown off, not a great combination when trying to navigate a vehicle containing all of your possessions (in addition to yourself & your kin). My cousin smiled: "I think he was a stuntbird."

We spent the next half hour of our seemingly endless drive creating the life story of Stuntbird that brought him to the moment when he hit my windshield. "He just landed this amazing role", "He is the Tom Cruise of the bird world!", "I know you saw him in the rearview, but that was just part of the stunt - he had to make it look real didn't he?"

My emotional state turned from partial heartbreak to brimming with hope and a childlike state of imagination. I liked this version of the story SO much better, even if it was complete bollocks. I didn't care - I couldn't change that past event, and in that moment what mattered was creating a better present for me to be a part of.

No matter how far-fetched, the Tale of Stuntbird reminded me of fairytales and of being snuggled up in bed with a teddy bear waiting to hear a bedtime story before drifting off to dreamland. It was pure comfort in a moment when I felt sad and vulnerable and upset. It was a verbal hug, and it made all of the difference. All of it.

It reminded me that sometimes all you need to be brave is for someone to tell you you are. So much of this life is what we make of it, and what a better reality to exist in. One where the bad things seem a little better, where the monsters in the closet are figments of our imagination and where the world welcomes us with a warm embrace instead of a cold shoulder.

Don't be afraid to believe in the Stuntbirds of life. We can't always live with our heads in the clouds, but sometimes, it's the only way to live.

♥mb.

A watched pot never boils.

For anyone that has ever cooked pasta when they are REALLY hungry, you know this to be true. Even when you make sure to fill the pot with water that is already warm and add a pinch of salt in hopes of facilitating those elusive rolling bubbles, the longer you stare at it, the louder that second hand seems to tick. In those 5-10 minutes that stubborn piece of stainless steel takes to reach the desired temperature, you feel like an entire chapter in a history book stands between you and your marinara-coated dinner.

Isn't it funny though, how much faster that water seems to boil when you step away and watch some tv or strum a few chords on the guitar or try on those fabulous (yet extremely painful) shoes you just got for a killer price? It seems like time just sails by. In those minutes you weren't sending all of your will power onto that stove hoping that water might boil faster, and you weren't salivating about the meal that would soon fill that empty bowl already set out on the table. Because you stepped away and did something different, it seemed more like a fleeting moment than an eternity.

Yes, I agree - that description of the preparation of pasta is a bit dramatic. But don't act like you haven't been there. And even if you aren't a pasta eater (which if you aren't, please jump on the next flight to Italy) I can guarantee that you've been there in life - staring at that water, hugging your knees, wishing it would just boil already and making yourself miserable by only thinking about the outcome and not the present, precious moment.

There are many situations where this happens, most notably this "water watching" occurs when it comes to looking for a romantic relationship. Most of us who are single spend a lot of time , dreaming of that faceless, nameless person, wondering about who they might be and wishing beyond all wishes that they could be brought into existence by sheer willpower. Unfortunately, life doesn't always listen to us.

In fact, most of the time it ignores us. The things we pine over are often not ours until we stop worrying about them and move on to focusing on the things we can control. When we truly, really, so-SO-badly want something that it hurts, the best thing to do is to wrap it in a dust cover, put it up on a shelf and replace it with something else that isn't quite as old, worn out and overused.

Walk away from that stove (it was getting a little too warm over there anyway) and ignite yourself. View that unemployment not as a failure, but as an opportunity to train for a 5K like you've always wanted to. View your relationship status not as "single" but as the freedom to meet as many people (and have as much fun) as humanly possible. View missing your friends not as sad and lonely but as a great way to build relationships with the people who are close to you now (and by remembering that "distance" is only a physical thing).

Whatever you do, STOP watching that water. It isn't going to boil any faster with you staring at it. I guarantee you that the second you step away it will seem like no time at all before that first bubble reaches the surface.

♥mb.

Why it's ok to be selfish.

The word "selfish" has gotten itself a bad rep. Whereas society attributes this word to the likes of the Jersey Shore cast and Paris Hilton, I attribute it to happiness and the ability to embrace life. I truly believe that one of they keys to being happy is being able to accept that it's ok to be selfish. Dictionary.com defines selfish as:

devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others

Taken literally, this pertains to people most of us don't want to be around. The kid behind the wheel of a new BMW in high school, the professor in college who didn't grade your papers because he was lazy, the people who talk on their cell phones about personal matters in public...[insert example here]. "Selfish" isn't generally something you hear used as a compliment. You don't love your best friend because she is so darn selfish or admire that celebrity because they are so obsessed with number one. But if you aren't letting yourself be selfish, you aren't being true to yourself.

I have news for you: we are all human and because of that, we are ALL inherently selfish. It is arguable that everything we do in life comes back to selfishness - I am reminded of an episode of Friends I saw a while ago where Phoebe and Joey got into an argument that no human act is truly selfless, because in doing something nice for someone else, you get a good feeling from it, so in a way it is serving you as well. Which, by the way, is totally true. 

What separates the truly "selfish" people from the important people in all of our lives is simply the way they choose to apply selfishness to their own lives. One person may choose to use this word to steal from someone, another may choose to use it to make themselves feel good by doing the right thing. Some selfish acts are one dimensional, others are two dimensional - the added dimension being the happiness of someone else on top of yourself. If you can bring someone else into your selfishness and make their day better as a result, you are doing it right.

I am in my mid-twenties (terrifying!) and I always advise my friends that this is the time in life where we really get to be 100% selfish and that by golly, if you don't take advantage of it you are going to regret it. For the most part, we don't have spouses, we don't have dependents to claim on our taxes or obligations that mean we can't take off for a weekend to Santa Barbara or San Francisco or New York City. Our money is ours, our time is ours and as long as we are going to work 9-5, the rest of our lives are completely and totally up to US. Pretty powerful no?

The concept applies to people all across the board:

   If you are a 20-something like me debating whether or not to make a move, DO IT. The only things we regret in life are the chances we don't take. Travel. Learn to cook. Spend entire Sundays by yourself working on making your apartment a place you are proud of.

   If you are a student, blow off studying every once in a while. The things you remember from college are never the tests that you take or the classes you are half-awake through. Watch your roommate sing in a school-wide contest. Go stargazing in the quad instead of writing a term paper. 

   If you are a mom and stretch yourself so thin that you start to lose yourself, take a step back and think about you. Go get a pedicure. Get a latte. Read a magazine. Take a half hour to yourself for everyday to do what YOU want. Not what someone else wants you to do.

   If you are a dad and work hard all the time to support your family, spend Saturday mornings reading with a dog by your side. Play Nintendo Wii for 3 hours. Drink some Maccallum's 18.

No matter who you are, be selfish with other people. No relationship is going to function properly if there is an imbalance - make the things you want known and make them happen. I can guarantee that no relationship is stronger than one in which both of the people are getting exactly what they want out of life, but doing it together. 

I am not suggesting that you only think about yourself every moment of your existence, but I am saying that if you don't think about yourself at all you are selling yourself short. It's ok to eat Ramen noodles because you spent too much money on that Marc by Marc Jacobs bag you've been coveting for months. It's ok to sleep in until 12:30 because you stayed up watching How I Met Your Mother until the wee hours of the morning. It's ok to say things other people might not like if it's what you truly believe.

Everything in life is about balance. And putting yourself first sometimes is part of that balance.

So do it.


♥mb.