No rush to the altar.

Confession: I am a 20-something who is completely freaking out.

About all the engagements/weddings/babies/home-buying happening by my peers. Friends, family, acquaintances whose weddings I stalk shamelessly on Facebook. (On a completely related note, three different people on my Facebook newsfeed are getting married tomorrow...aaaaahhhh.) It’s terrifying me to my very core. I constantly see a stream of photos of weddings or sparkly diamonds or newly purchased homes whereas I post pictures of my dogs and the pretty food that I eat. #winning

Currently, I see the following pros to being married:

A.      Someone to help bring in groceries (they are heavy)

B.      Someone to watch sports with during the week (cuz who wants to watch baseball alone)

C.      Never having to sleep alone (not that I mind sleeping alone, I mostly am – yes, at 25 – still very    much afraid of the dark)

I also can see the benefits to having a pretty, sparkly rock (engagement ring), a super fun party with all my closest friends & family (wedding) and a lovely tropical vacay somewhere exotic (honeymoon). At the last wedding I attended –after being physically forced to go up as one of the “single ladies” – I could have caught the bouquet (it's logical trajectory ended in my hands) but instead ran away from it like it was trying to hurt me. In essence: I could not be LESS ready for a marriage.

But that doesn’t mean I am any less unsettled by the fact that people my age – even younger – are. We’ve always been so even – grade school, soccer teams, high school, Prom, track meets, college, Greek system, graduation – and then all of a sudden, we are on all different levels. When did this happen? And why can’t everyone just stop it already until I’ve had time to catch my breath & subsequently, catch up?

The truth is, it is scary. It sometimes makes me think that I somewhere along the lines missed the memo that I needed to meet the man of my dreams, get married, have a baby & own a home before I’m 30. What about that part where I am still trying to find myself at 25 and some change? We mustn’t skip over that step. I'm sure that someday, my wedding will be the happiest day of my life (it might surpass the day the Huskies upset USC in 2009, we will see) and that being a wife is going to sound pretty great to me, but that day certainly is not today. I remind myself that I am young. That I only have this time in my life to be free and selfish and make decisions solely based around me and no one else. My bedroom décor is my own. I don’t have to share a closet with anyone. If there are 5-6 empty shampoo bottles in my shower, the only person that concerns is me. I can decorate with nail polish bottles and sparkly, colorful hair ties.

My life is my own. And I’m not really ready to give that up yet.

♥mb.

No fireworks.

Tonight, there are no fireworks for me.

Not because there aren't any, but just because I wasn't feeling up to it. I may have been overtired or slipped some well-disguised gluten, but I just didn't have it in me to trek somewhere to watch pyrotechnics explode in the sky. In fact, about the only thing I did have in me was the energy to devour the better part of two In-N-Out fry orders covered in ketchup. At least I celebrated the eating part of the 4th.

It's something I think is funny about holidays - there is this status quo in society that you have to have fun plans/drink lots of beer/have the best day EVER! when, in reality, these holidays come every year. If I don't feel good on this 4th of July and would rather spend the evening watching South Park on my couch with my dogs, it's ok - 365 days from now (366 in a leap year) this holiday will come again. The fireworks will come again. The burgers, Americana music and ridiculously patriotic outfits you can only wear in support of USA sports or to a country concert will still be there in my closet. And maybe next year I will feel more up to it.

Besides, the fact that this 4th of July may be significantly less celebratory than past ones doesn't mean I love America or appreciate my freedom any less. And also, the Olympics start in 23 days and you bet your ass I will be making up for my lackluster Independence Day with public displays of America love come July 27th.

♥mb.

"M" is for "Monday". And "messy".

They say that imperfection is beauty. That must mean my life has been pretty beautiful lately.

I have been having moment after moment of, to put it nicely, "imperfections". My room is a disaster, I haven't done laundry in at least 3 weeks and my lunch today was pretzels & peanut butter cups...at least I also had a peach?

The fact of the matter is, sometimes, you just have those times where chocolate is the only food that sounds edible to you. Or that despite your yoga bag packed & ready to go in the trunk of your car, you just aren't feeling up to it. And also, it's Monday. And well, that just seems like as good an excuse as any to get out of anything semi-unpleasant or good for you.

My advice? Just soak it up. Let it happen. Acknowledge the fact that sometimes you are going to wear a shirt with a stain & cover it up with a scarf and have nothing on your evening agenda but some sweet treats, blankets and a lot of Netflix streaming. It's ok - life is about balance, and sometimes, a couple off-weeks is a part of that balance.

If it were up to me - and I had the energy to go to the store to buy coconut cream & oranges to make sour mix - I would be having coconut margaritas and double chocolate cookies for dinner. Oh the life of a 20-something when she's feeling unmotivated & under the weather...

If perfection isn't achievable anyway, there's no reason we should be trying 24/7 to make it happen. And good thing it isn't, because nights in snuggled on the couch are so necessary.

♥mb.

Therapy.

I get through my hard days by drinking red wine, practicing yoga and reminding myself constantly that distance in miles does not equal distance in heart.

(Really great pasta and hugging a dog never hurt either.)

♥mb.

Right now is on time.

Image Credit: Pinterest

Believe it, ok?

♥mb.

"I love myself"

I made one comment in high school that I will never live down. My friends & I were on our way to Mexico for a home-building mission trip (stucco, anyone?), playing cards before our flight departed from SeaTac. If I remember correctly, it was pretty early in the morning and, I at least, was functioning at about 40% in terms of feeling rested. I can't remember what prompted it, but the following three words escaped my mouth before I realized what I had said done: "I love myself." (In my defense, I meant it mostly as a cut to myself - like "nice going, Meghan." I sooo wish I had chosen different words...)

For the next year of high school and over holiday & summer breaks during college, I never heard the end of it from my high school friends. Even (maybe especially) from people who weren't even there when I said it. I was actually greeted by a chorus of at LEAST 8 people saying those words in unison as I reached the top of the stairs the first day of my senior year of high school.

Aside from the fact that you probably shouldn't proclaim your love for yourself openly to large groups of people, the relationship you have with yourself is bar none the most important relationship you have in your life, and loving yourself is the key to opening so many doors. We spend so much of our time admiring other people and loving them, but if you take some time to look inward & admire the same qualities that you possess, your spirits will be lifted immediately. To realize that you really, truly, ardently love who you are as a human being, has got to be one of the greatest feelings we are capable of feeling. And it really is the one thing that makes loving other people - truly, without conditions - possible.

We are trained to not think this way. That a high opinion of yourself is selfish. Well society, I'm calling "bullshit."As much as I agree that absolutely everything is wrong with being conceited, to genuinely like the person that you are is a gift, and one that makes sharing your light with other people enjoyable and possible. Plus, it's challenging. It's easy to judge other people, but yourself? It's difficult. Because it makes us ask questions of ourselves that aren't always comfortable, implement  changes that might take time. And it will always be a struggle, cyclical, changing. But I promise you - when you reach that point where you truly do love yourself, everything in your life will benefit. Especially your relationships, which if you don't know yet, are the most rewarding part of this life we lead.

And if you are having a moment when this seems like an impossible task, remember that even the most inspiring and incredible among us have times where they feel like the last kid picked for the kickball team. We are human. We aren't anywhere near perfect. We all fail when we should have succeeded. Every human on Earth thinks they really, really suck sometimes. And sometimes we do. But we are both smart & strong enough to overcome that. To dust off the mistakes and feelings of insecurity and come out of the dark shinier, brighter and more beautiful than ever.

Be proud of who you are and love that person with reckless abandon. Take on the challenge of making yourself into someone that, if you were someone else, you couldn't help but want to be around. We all have that in us. All of us.

Happiness breeds more happiness. Don't be afraid to be the catalyst.

♥mb.

Simple truth.

It truly is the people (and the puppies) in this life that make all the difference.


♥mb.