Frustrated.

You're whole life leading up to college graduation (or high school graduation if you don't take the college route) is planned. There is a formula, neat & tidy, everything planned to a T. Something that made this closet (or not so closet, you decide) Type A extremely happy. Everything was laid out for me - go to high school, get a good GPA, go to a good college, get a good GPA, major in marketing, graduate. The formula ends there. Everything after is a big mystery that can't be written down in a planner like a calculus exam. Not knowing what my life is going to look like in a year, in 2 months, in a week, is driving me absolutely crazy.


I am the kind of person who likes to be organized - I mean, I color code my planner. I arrange my perfumes on my dresser so they are aesthetically pleasing. If my purse doesn't contain my favorite chapstick, my wallet, my camera, my keys, hand sanitizer, my phone and a snack at any given moment when I'm out of the house, I feel totally out of sorts. You can imagine how having no idea what my future holds is treating me. Like a hailstorm treats a daisy. 


Every day I just get more & more frustrated that the formula I created for myself after the formula life & society created for me ended is proving to be faulty. Where is the perfect job? Where is the cute apartment with mismatching artwork that still somehow seems to goes together? Where is my puppy? Where is my stack of grad school pamphlets? Where is my coffee table strewn with coffee table books? Why do I feel so helpless? It's like life is a spider web, and I am the little butterfly stuck in it, watching all the other butterflies fly around me unharmed & unaffected by the ominous, sticky net.


Now I realize you don't get your dream job right out of college. Or if you do, that you are some kind of freak of nature. I just wish there was one job that would be perfect for me, right now, at this time in my life. I don't understand how I am supposed to get a job that needs 2-4 years of experience if no one will give me the experience.


Hence, frustrated.


♥mb.