Why it's ok to be selfish.

The word "selfish" has gotten itself a bad rep. Whereas society attributes this word to the likes of the Jersey Shore cast and Paris Hilton, I attribute it to happiness and the ability to embrace life. I truly believe that one of they keys to being happy is being able to accept that it's ok to be selfish. Dictionary.com defines selfish as:

devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others

Taken literally, this pertains to people most of us don't want to be around. The kid behind the wheel of a new BMW in high school, the professor in college who didn't grade your papers because he was lazy, the people who talk on their cell phones about personal matters in public...[insert example here]. "Selfish" isn't generally something you hear used as a compliment. You don't love your best friend because she is so darn selfish or admire that celebrity because they are so obsessed with number one. But if you aren't letting yourself be selfish, you aren't being true to yourself.

I have news for you: we are all human and because of that, we are ALL inherently selfish. It is arguable that everything we do in life comes back to selfishness - I am reminded of an episode of Friends I saw a while ago where Phoebe and Joey got into an argument that no human act is truly selfless, because in doing something nice for someone else, you get a good feeling from it, so in a way it is serving you as well. Which, by the way, is totally true. 

What separates the truly "selfish" people from the important people in all of our lives is simply the way they choose to apply selfishness to their own lives. One person may choose to use this word to steal from someone, another may choose to use it to make themselves feel good by doing the right thing. Some selfish acts are one dimensional, others are two dimensional - the added dimension being the happiness of someone else on top of yourself. If you can bring someone else into your selfishness and make their day better as a result, you are doing it right.

I am in my mid-twenties (terrifying!) and I always advise my friends that this is the time in life where we really get to be 100% selfish and that by golly, if you don't take advantage of it you are going to regret it. For the most part, we don't have spouses, we don't have dependents to claim on our taxes or obligations that mean we can't take off for a weekend to Santa Barbara or San Francisco or New York City. Our money is ours, our time is ours and as long as we are going to work 9-5, the rest of our lives are completely and totally up to US. Pretty powerful no?

The concept applies to people all across the board:

   If you are a 20-something like me debating whether or not to make a move, DO IT. The only things we regret in life are the chances we don't take. Travel. Learn to cook. Spend entire Sundays by yourself working on making your apartment a place you are proud of.

   If you are a student, blow off studying every once in a while. The things you remember from college are never the tests that you take or the classes you are half-awake through. Watch your roommate sing in a school-wide contest. Go stargazing in the quad instead of writing a term paper. 

   If you are a mom and stretch yourself so thin that you start to lose yourself, take a step back and think about you. Go get a pedicure. Get a latte. Read a magazine. Take a half hour to yourself for everyday to do what YOU want. Not what someone else wants you to do.

   If you are a dad and work hard all the time to support your family, spend Saturday mornings reading with a dog by your side. Play Nintendo Wii for 3 hours. Drink some Maccallum's 18.

No matter who you are, be selfish with other people. No relationship is going to function properly if there is an imbalance - make the things you want known and make them happen. I can guarantee that no relationship is stronger than one in which both of the people are getting exactly what they want out of life, but doing it together. 

I am not suggesting that you only think about yourself every moment of your existence, but I am saying that if you don't think about yourself at all you are selling yourself short. It's ok to eat Ramen noodles because you spent too much money on that Marc by Marc Jacobs bag you've been coveting for months. It's ok to sleep in until 12:30 because you stayed up watching How I Met Your Mother until the wee hours of the morning. It's ok to say things other people might not like if it's what you truly believe.

Everything in life is about balance. And putting yourself first sometimes is part of that balance.

So do it.


♥mb.