Redefining Valentine's Day.

I don’t know about you, but I have two dates tonight: one is named "Triple-Chocolate Fatpants Cake" (shout out to my favorite bakery babycakesNYC) and the other "merlot". Or maybe "malbec". I haven't really decided yet. And, if I had a boyfriend, I am pretty confident my night would be pretty much the same, I would just add another date to my list and an extra fork.

This pinky-red, frosting-covered holiday that graces us with its presence every February 14^th usually inspires two very distinct types of outpourings from people (read, GIRLS):

We have #1: the "I am SO in love!-I can't WAIT to see what my honey-buns has in store for me-I am so blissfully happy I might have to call in sick!" people. 

And we have #2: the "omFg if I hear one more person talk about the beautiful flowers they received I'm going to jump off a skyscraper-spending my night alone watching the Notebook on repeat-boys are oxygen-wasting jerk-offs" crowd.

It, in all honesty, is pretty rare to fall outside the scope of one of these two camps come February 14th - it just seems to inspire extremism in one direction or the other. I myself feel rather indifferent toward the holiday - perhaps this has something to do with the fact that during my time in Rome I saw St. Valentine's skull inside a glass case in a Catholic church. (Yes, I have a picture. And also, yes, I have thought every Valentine's Day since then of sending out cards with his lovely portrait on them to all of my single friends.) Romantic, no?

In all seriousness, here is my issue with this holiday that seems more driven by men looking to impress their girlfriends/wives with fancy dinners, beautiful flowers and sparkly jewels than by the desire of people to express their love to their loved ones: it just feels really un-genuine to me. I mean, think about it. Valentine's Day is essentially a day set aside during the year when we are supposed to outwardly show how much we love one another. Um, excuse me but, why isn't that the case every day? Why does there have to be a label to warrant the delivery of special gifts and the giving of thoughtful, handwritten cards? Why limit that to only a day? Grand romantic gestures seem to be much more real to me when carried out on a Wednesday. Not a special Wednesday, just...Wednesday. But then again I am more for subtlety when it comes to romance - it suits me better than planes flying across the sky carrying banners that say "I LOVE YOU!" I'd rather a guy take me in his arms when I am in sweaty lulu clothes after a yoga class, kiss my forehead and tell me I look beautiful then. Yes, I would know he was lying. But I would also know that he meant it. 

Secondly, it seems like people tend to equate Valentine's Day with romantic love and romantic love ONLY. Now maybe this stems from a lifetime of getting presents/cards from my parents on this holiday (a tradition that, yes, still continues today) but I am more of the mindset that we celebrate ALL kinds of love on Valentine's Day. (After all, to limit the idea of love to simply the romantic form would mean there are a lot of single people running around out there with no love in their lives. Which simply is NOT true.) Love can be for a spouse, significant other, new flame, sibling, family, friend, classmate (hello, have we already forgotten about perforated Valentines attached to candy?) pet, cake...all of it. Only a handful of those are romantic, but that doesn’t mean the whole lot of them aren’t just as meaningful. There is a reason that Papyrus (my card brand of choice) has sections of Valentine’s Day cards cordoned off for “Mom”, “Dad”, “Sister”, etc. To me, nothing about a Valentine's Day spent on the couch with your dog drinking beers seems sad. You love your dog, right? And, presumably, you love beer, right? Well then, a very Happy Valentine's Day to you!


This year, and in many years past, I sent my close, single friends Valentines, because I truly believe that friend love is just as important as the romantic variety (if not more, if you're an unattached 20-something like me). And if I am given a specific day that I am instructed by society to express it (something I try to do as often as I can without seeming overemotional, which, by the way, I am) then by jolly geez, I will do it! Everyone loves mail. And even more importantly, everyone loves to hear that they are loved. Everyone doesn't just love it - they deserve it. (Side note: If you are my friend, single & did not receive a Valentine, I apologize for the oversight. If you are my friend & in a happy relationship & still sad I did not think of you, be assured, I did. I just figured your Valentine’s Day would already be filled with love from your honey and I felt compelled to share it with those running around this world unattached.)

So, this February 14th, I choose not to be bitter. I choose not to envy those who are in happy, fulfilling relationships (...much). I choose not to lament old relationships - they were beautiful in their fleeting moment, but I'm not still in them for reasons that make sense now. I choose to (mostly) ignore the dim flicker of hope that someone will come out of woodwork and surprise me with a romantic gesture I never expected (something that I admit to having every Valentine’s Day…I’m a girl. What can I say?). I choose instead to embrace my evenings filled with high-calorie, sugary treats and red wine - it won't always be this way.

After all, in the future, I will have to share. But I have the feeling I won’t mind.

♥mb.